Tuesday, December 8, 2009
One of the most difficult things about being gay for me is that I cannot (or it is very difficult) have a normal "friend" relationship with another male. Whether that potential candidate be heterosexual or homosexual, there is always a sense of awkwardness that accompanies such involvement. I will be referencing various situations as presented in the FOX series GLEE as visuals to my arguments. The inspiration for this blog is the eternal longing for a healthy and natural male-and-male friendship; or as Brodie Jenner calls it - a bromance.
First, in a bromance with a heterosexual male, there is always the desperate inclination to have a crush on him. In the show, the overly-designer-clothed teenager gradually develops a crush on the school quarterback (also in the club) to the point that they share facial cleansing tips in the locker room. In last night's episode, he told the young scarlet (who is also madly in love with the quarterback) that what they want is never going to happen and that the sooner they realize that fact, the better. I feel that with a friendship with a heterosexual, I will always look to those characteristics that I desire most and unfortunately, that puts the friend on such a pedestal that will make me fall head over heels (figuratively of course) for him. I have met some pretty cool guys in the past, but when is a good time to ask for his phone number (or is it even appropriate)? When and where is a good place to hang out? Will he find this awkward? What do we do when we are together? Alone? What do we talk about? What do we do?
From my experiences in the past, I would just be admiring his innocent charm, aesthetic cuteness, sexy buzzed hair, and great conversation. I would then become paralyzed by the insecurities of initiating follow-up and eventually miss on the unique opportunity to make a great friend.
Second, in a bromance with a gay male, there is always the snobbery of finding a hotter, sexier, cuter guy. (This is one of the things that I hate most about the gay community, but that is a whole other blog entirely.) Also, there is the whole spectrum of gay guys out there. The butch, twinks, fems, daddies, nasties, ugly, old, hot, young, etc. There are so many out there, but unfortunately that is not the problem with having a gay bromance. What scares me the most is the association. Being extremely closeted, I feel that by hanging out with a gay guy thus makes me one as well. The quarterback faced the public humiliation of association because he was spending so much time with the club and its gay-member. Personally, I already have such a hard enough time defending my current sexuality, that a gay bromance would make it so much more unbearable.
Aside, most of the gays that I have met thus far have been deficient in some way. For the ost part, the guys that I have met off the internet have not be up to par with the standards of establishing such a relationship with. By being closeted, I scare myself into apprehension; thus, limiting my ability to meet quality guys out there who I would like to have a bromance with.
So as you can conclude, I do not have many male friends that I would consider myself close to. I am searching for that balance and the ability to have a male friend, but I guess I need to do a little self-changing and grow some courage to reach out.
So if your out there, wanna have a bromance?
(Photo courtesty of Scott Schuman, The Sartorialist)